BEGIN TYPING YOUR SEARCH ABOVE AND PRESS RETURN TO SEARCH. PRESS ESC TO CANCEL

Misc – Jack Oughton’s Heavily Opinionated Yet Slightly Well Informed Shit Guide Of People Not To Trust

**This is an incomplete and ever expanding list informed by many life experiences and many conversations with many people, both good and bad. It is not entirely accurate and is a work of humour. So, on with the show/butthurt:**

 

Here is a partially completed list of people you may wish to be wary of – or put another way, ‘not trust’.

 

Overweight diet gurus:

I’m not saying that you can’t be overweight and healthy. I AM saying that if you tout weightless solutions that you can’t apply yourself you are simultaneously demonstrating both hypocrisy and irony, and it’d be funny if people didn’t give you money for doing so.

Anyone who describes themselves as a ‘wealth mentor’ and/or anyone who sells ‘internet marketing’ products:

This ‘scene’ in a nutshell can largely be defined as ‘people selling products on how to make money selling products to other people about how to make money’ (ad infinitum). If there’s a way for information and ideas to become inbred, that’s one way to go about it.

Or put another way, don’t inject your money/energy into what is an essentially an economy that focuses on conning itself and creating no value (inb4 comments about fiat currency and no gold standard).

Anyone who describes themselves as a ‘pickup artist’ and anyone who sells products in that category:

There is so much entirely sinister and misogynistic shit going on here.

Advocates of The Secret / Law Of Attraction and/or variations on this:

Yeah, pretty much anyone who tries to fuse personal finance with new age spirituality.

On that note – Scientologists, Jehova’s Witnesses, fundamentalists of any religion, disposition or creed:

(e.g ISIS, EDL, BNP, KKK – pick a cause and someone will be using it as an excuse)

kkk photo
Photo by pixeljones

80% of people who say ‘quantum physics’ instead of ‘quantum mechanics’ and use it as an explanation for something:

You’ve just wrapped up your mysticism in a scientific cloak. That’s not to say you should be able to resolve eigenvectors to be able to discuss QM but bandying around surface concepts does not mean you have ANY idea about how what is essentially a pataphysical mess of paradoxes, or how to apply/harness them.

Go get your fucking doctorate before you start acting like an expert.

Anyone who asks you ‘if you want to earn n extra $xxx a month working from home’ / Anyone who asks for ‘feedback’ on their business / pretty much anyone in network marketing/MLM:

We know exactly what you’re upto.

Gurus of all varieties:

Most fucking especially people who refer to themselves as gurus.

ANYONE who messages you out of the blue on LinkedIn:

I’m pretty sure half of these people aren’t even real.

A large proportion of people involved in recruitment:

Play the candidates and employers off against each other :3

A large proportion of people involved in PR:

Isn’t bullshit kinda their job?

A large proportion of people involved in journalism (see point below on news outlets):

Sad but true.

A large proportion of people involved in law enforcement:

Sad but true.

Anyone who describes themselves as a ‘visionary’ – yes, these people exist:

(…does not apply to those described as a visionary by a significant amount of other people)

Anyone who describes themselves as a ‘celebrity’ – yes, these people exist:

(…does not apply to those described as a celebrity by a significant amount of other people)

File hosting websites all the way from Rapidshare to the millions of lesser known but no more reputable:

That’s right: ‘please pay us money to pirate stuff you shouldn’t be getting for free anyway’

People who wear sunglasses indoors

BECAUSE THE EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL

Anyone who posts a job ad that has the words ‘freelance’ and ‘showcasing’ in the same paragraph:

Hahahaha just give up already

People who add you for ‘business networking’ on Facebook (expect endless page ‘invites’ and/or regurgitated motivational quotes)

In a nutshell: ‘We’ve never spoken, I have no idea who you are but I would like you to endorse me and my business’ Go away.

Leading from above, 66% of people who want to ‘network’ with you in person:

It’s not about who you are, it’s about what you are, and what you can do for them (to uh..paraphrase Kennedy)

business photo
“…so, what can you do for me?” Photo by Horasis

African women with names like ‘Blessing’ who begin any communication with you with the phrase ‘hello dear’ or something similar.

In fact – pretty much anyone who starts a conversation with ‘hello dear’ – it’s a big red flag.

Nigerians you haven’t met in person

(…but I got lots of Nigerian friends and they are usually pretty chill).

Anything involving Western Union/MoneyGram wire transfers.

Nah son, I think I’ll stick to stuff with uh… payment protection, like Paypal.

People who write the tasting notes for alcoholic drinks, especially wine and whiskey:

What the fuck are ‘pasta seeking tannins’.

Whoever the fuck came up with and/or distills Ray & Nephews overproof rum:

I have been to hell and it was that drink took me there.

Promotional girls you see in bars and clubs selling shots of Jaegermeister and/or other fluorescent liquors.

No thankyou

Monsanto

…it acts like the evil mega corporation in a sci-fi flick or cyberpunk novel. We should probably stop it before it does any more damage. Seriously… fucking gene patents?

Anyone involved in the attempt to bring Sharia law to non Muslim countries.

It took us many tens of thousands of years to arrive at our current version of democracy and freedom of speech. If you don’t like it, emigrate to somewhere where you’ll quite quickly notice its absence.

Broadly speaking, people involved in creating American foreign policy:

Employing every play out of the Machiavellian playbook as they go along. ‘Divisive’ doesn’t begin to describe it

People who work in banks that are ‘too big to fail’:

If the government catches you when you fuck up (no downside), and the upside is many billions of dollars, economically it’s only rational to take the piss as much as you can. I say rational, not moral – you can do something that is both rational and immoral…people do it all the time

Organic foods and people who uses the term ‘organic’ to promote their product:

Faff

Any company or person using the term ‘superfood’ to sell their products:

Faff

Homeopathy. Astrology. Still waiting for someone to prove ANY evidence beyond the placebo effect here:

Turbo Faff

astrology photo
do you BELIEVE!? Photo by Internet Archive Book Images

Anyone who claims to possess psychic abilities and who charges you a fee to avail yourself of them (i.e mediums, clairvoyants, dowsers, etc) – because, lest we forget, there is no evidence that these powers exist (see above):

Ultra turbo faff.

Raw food advocates, super low fat advocates, militant vegans:

Though they often mean well.

LCHF/Saturated fat/paleo fetishists – anyone who jumped on the paleo bandwagon after Robb Wolf’s ‘paleo diet’ came out. You forgot that it’s not meant to be a diet with a capital D.

They also often mean well.

butter photo
brb eating a stick of butter Photo by thepinkpeppercorn

Maybe we expand that to anyone who sells a diet system? (…also see point on gurus). Or pretty much anyone who treats a nutritional school of thought as a worldview.

I’m gonna eat carbs and you can’t stop me.

All politicians at or above MP level (applies to UK and Commonwealth countries)

Yes they are very powerful, and yes, power has always had the nearly consistent ability to corrupt people to one extent or another. But what’s the alternative…technocracy?

People who sell products or services on commission:

Car salespeople, estate agents, stock brokers. Most ESPECIALLY people who only get commision for certain products that they sell. Their interests and your interests are not aligned.

Anyone who recognises you as a ‘Westerner’ when you’re buying stuff (presumably when you’e travelling):

You might have mistaken the first stages of a negotiation for the final value of the product or service being sold to you. And they may have mistaken you for a walking ATM (not a person) who can/should easily part with all that hard earned money.

Musical Booking Agents:

If you’ve dealt with them, you know, right? hahahaha

95% of people who claim to actually understand SEO

Black magic.

95% of diet book publishing industry

You could write an entire post, or a book, on the amount of bullshit in this industry. I’ll spare you that, though I’d dare to say that this industry was built on bullshit :3

95% of sports nutrition industry

As above.

95% of bodybuilding publishing industry

As above.

bodybuilding photo
Tust du überhaupt heben? Photo by captain.orange

Tabloids, broadsheets and news outlets pushing editorial agendas (which is to say pretty much ALL news outlets):

Wanna find an entirely impartial news outlet? OK, find one that isn’t run by humans. Alternatively, stop perusing the ones that feed your confirmation bias: so if you’re a liberal, read some conservative stuff and see if the rustling of your jimmies helps dislodge some of those things that you just ‘know’ to be true.

Note: Your biases and cognitive blind spots are often neatly hidden behind stuff you ‘know’ is wrong and that enrages you.

‘Photographers’ who post ads on Craigslist:

The whole thing is rapey as fuck and they’re not even trying to pretend otherwise.

Anyone who claims they’ll ‘make you a star’:

…model agencies, musical promoters, etc.

In fact, agents of any kind who won’t work on commission, and insist on charging a fee only.

Most people who put ‘the’ in front of their name:

Silly.

People who refer to themselves in the third person:

Y tho.

The administrative staff involved in government organisations that dispense financial benefits (housing, dole, etc).

(…the front line people seem relatively OK)

Facebook

…realigning how the world defines ‘privacy’ with how Facebook defines ‘privacy’ – one service update at a time!

(possibly) Google.

But don’t you ever fuck with Google. They know too much about us all.

google photo
…though I still love Google. And need Google… Photo by jonrussell

Anyone who wants to employ you for a short term job or contract and who won’t pay a deposit upfront.

Nope.

Anyone who claims they ‘don’t have a budget for freelancers’.

Nope.

The accounts department at any listed company / or one with more than 20 employees

Can I get paid?

Anyone who writes semi proscriptive lists about who is trustworthy and who isn’t.

*cough*

 

And that’s quite enough of my bullshit for now! If I missed anything, do let me know in the comments.

bullshit everywhere article meme 001

Leave a comment

Please be polite. We appreciate that. Your email address will not be published and required fields are marked